Maybe it’s time for a little repair.
A fairly well known concept in the counseling of relationships is called rupture and repair. And it is a cycle of exactly that. A rupture signifies a break in the connection we have with someone we love (a partner, our children) or are in close relationship with (our students or maybe a co-worker). Ruptures are often caused by hurt or anger, a reaction to something they did or a disagreement with something they said. Ruptures are a definitive part of the relationship cycle. What is just as important, however, is that we learn to complete the cycle through repair. This builds into the strength of the connection.
Repair is not an easy process. No one is an expert. The rupture is the easy part. We misjudge our level of connection or attunement often. For example, sometimes I think my child is upset because he is tired. But a good night’s sleep doesn’t always do the trick. Sometimes he’s legitimately upset because he believes he was treated unfairly. So, we talk about it. And in the talking about it he learns to trust that he can confide in me and that I will listen and validate how he is feeling. We may never quite see eye to eye on that specific issue, but we can value each other’s feelings and thereby add to the trust bank for the next time a rupture requires repair.
When Dan Siegel talks about this he says: “It’s possible to be human and still be full of love.”
Parents and children. Partners. People we work with. Neighbors. Our roommates. Fellow Cincinnatians. The compounding adverse toxic stressors we have all undergone for the past three months, and for some years and years, have led to many, many ruptures. Have you taken the time begin the repairs? Maybe it’s time. And maybe music can help.
So much has been ruptured. Next Saturday, June 20, we are inviting you to join us in the process of repair.
You may not feel that you can safely be around others that are not in your immediate circle. For you, we have designed a concert where you can stay in your car. You can be near others while trusting that you will be safe.
You may be ready to be in the open air and dance! For you, we have designed a concert where you will be able to be near others, helping them feel safe while receiving the community you need from gathering.
You may simply want to be near others, outside, celebrating life as it is right now. Bring a lawn chair and soak it in.
It is not perfect, but we believe it is time to begin the process of repair. There will continue to be rupture. Let’s begin to fill the trust bank just a little so we have a deeper well from which to draw when we continue the process of repair.
For a night, let’s be “human and full of love.”